“We started the journey in January 2023, says Charlotte when I ask when did their family story start.

“As soon as we heard about WEP we were really interested. We attended the “Is WEP right for us” training and we were even more certain it was right for us; we initially went into adoption to complete our family but WEP changed our view  and made us more focused on the child rather than the idea of completing our family unit.

“There was slight uncertainty when T came to us as the placement order wasn’t granted for 2 weeks –  but we just didn’t think about it apart from those quiet times like when we were in the shower and it might hit us, but we’d not let T know of our worries at all.

“We always believe everything happens for a reason and trust the process.  We were in the process together as a couple and are so supportive of each other – that if it didn’t work out we’d have helped each other through it and whatever the outcome it would be the right one for T.

“We wanted to make that difference to the child, setting the foundation earlier, adds Abi.

“It felt like a long process as you are being approved as an adopter first then a foster carer. About 3 weeks after foster panel though we received some information about little T, says Charlotte.

“It felt really scary at first. It suddenly felt really real that we were reading about this little boy.”

“He was 6 months old and there were some health uncertainties, we asked ourselves – can we really do this?”

“There was lots of information in his report and we spent hours reading and highlighting different sections, what really struck was that birth dad said his hopes and dreams for T was that he hoped he will be loved – and we just thought, we can do that!” says Charlotte.

Early apprehension

“Three weeks later, Abi says, “it went back to court and suddenly we were told the date he would come to us. We asked if it would be possible to meet him and birth Mum as usually in traditional adoption you have a transition period. The social workers went back and forth and arranged for us to meet with Birth Mum and T.”

It was all a big whirlwind, we had arranged to meet them at the mother and baby unit on the Monday and we met them for the first time on teams on the Friday .

“Nervous as we were meeting on the Monday, we were put at ease at quite quickly.  We met them at the mother and baby unit and the apprehension was massive. Birth Mum quickly eased us as she told us all about T, says Charlotte.

“Birth Mum asked if we wanted to hold him, well Abi ended up holding him as I was too nervous! I did have a little cuddle after a while.

“We ended up going to a local park for a walk. There were moments captured of their last few days together and she gave him some things. Two days later he came to stay with us, says Charlotte.

“We gave birth mum pictures of his room and memory box with his name and date of birth and made a promise to give photos of T when he visits for contact, says Abi.

“It just feels really natural and that he’s always meant to be here. He settled really quickly despite a bit of early anxiety.

Contact and a rollercoaster of emotions

“The contact plan was set up to be originally 3 times a week, slowing down to once a week and then once a month. We wanted to be true to our word and gave Birth parents photos of T during contact of what he’d been doing in the month, says Charlotte.

“You really feel for the birth family during contact, as every one is one time less with their son. The contact centre workers facilitated most of it though and we didn’t actually meet birth mum and dad during the session but we had a contact book to share updates on T with birth them from once contact session to the next.

This period eventually progressed to Look After Child (LAC) reviews on video calls which Charlotte and Abi found quite tough, they were essentially an opportunity to provide updates on T and the plan going forward, they were so emotional for all involved.

“The last LAC review was the most difficult, the plan was for T to be adopted and we talked about last contact which we couldn’t begin to imagine how the birth parents must have been feeling. During the first review though she said she hoped that he would be adopted by us, as we were awesome – which galvanised us a bit, says Charlotte.

“We have had letters from the birth grandparents, says Abi, “it was lovely to hear from Ts extended family and their thoughts and feelings about T and their hopes and dreams as well as information about the family.”

“There were times, Charlotte adds, “where I struggled to get my words out. It showed we were human, I said to the birth mum, ‘you should be the one crying’.

“Abi had to take over.”

“The emotion was driven by a deep empathy for the birth parents”, Charlotte continues.

“There was so much emotion we almost put ourselves in their shoes.”

Charlotte and Abi also furthered contact by meeting T’s birth father for a coffee, accompanied by a social worker.

“It was really nice and we could see where he gets his looks from! He made us laugh with a few jokes and he opened up a bit about what makes him tick.

Final contact came after Charlotte and Abi were matched with T, which was a week before his first birthday.

“He came back with lots of presents from birth family, says Charlotte, “He had cards from all his family members. Great Grandparents gifted T with a train-set, they do that for all the boys in the family as a great great grandfather use to make model trains – it was really nice.

Charlotte and Abi also created beautiful, thoughtful books which they shared with the birth family which have been really impactful, they were full of questions for birth mum and dad about them and T, a book that T can look at over the years to hopefully feel connected to birth mum and dad and his identity.

Health uncertainties

Despite T’s initial uncertainties the couple report that he’s currently doing really well.

“You read about the child and it’s the worst case scenario really. It’s helpful to be aware of potential problems though, says Charlotte.

Abi adds, “He amazes us every day, little things like clapping, he might be a later than some children, but we love the little celebrations and milestones.

“You almost forget about the uncertainty because he’s here – and it’s him, we wouldn’t change a thing. He is a dream come true.

“It’s a rollercoaster but it’s the best rollercoaster you can go on, we feel so privileged.

“We also can’t thank WBAS enough for their support – especially Claire & Jodi who have been there throughout and often know what we will be thinking even before we do.”

Learn more about WEP here