“We’d been trying for so long and then covid hit”, says Katy when I ask her about the moment when they finally decided to reach out and explore the possibility of adoption seriously.
“It was January 2022 and we just thought let’s do this. We were seeing a lot of my brother’s pictures of his baby and family. We just felt we were missing out on the feeling of company that family provides and just thought it was time.”
“We did originally try Barnardo’s but they referred us over to WBAS, says Lewis.
“After reading through the information pack from the website, within 2 weeks we had our initial home visit.”
“The first home visit was emotional, says Katy.
“To me it signalled the end of us conceiving naturally. There were quite a few tears shed. There was a bit of grieving as we came to terms with things.”
Facing things head on
Your heart has to be in it”, says Katy as I ask her how she found the adoption process.
“I found the Stage 1 Booklet where you have to really document and present yourself quite tough personally at the start.
“You have to really dig into your fears and how you cope with things. I had to go back over things from school such as dealing with bullying.
“Facing and revisiting these things was quite therapeutic in the end though.”
The family finding process which starts after being approved as an adopter was quite quick for Katy and Lewis. Adopter approval with WBAS usually takes on average 6 – 8 months, family finding which is based primarily on the needs of the child can take anything from a few months to over a year. Strong support networks from family and other people going through the process can be key at this stage.
“We were approved and I just thought, oh my god.
“This is real now”, says Katy.
Pinch me moments
“Matching was pretty quick for us overall with regular updates, but every week still felt like a month.
“Janine our social worker was great though, says Lewis, “always on hand when we needed news and updates.”
“We had a lot of support from family, says Katy, “my father was adopted so he had experiences we could draw upon.”
Margot has been placed with Katy and Lewis for 5 months now and Katy reflects on how life has changed massively.
“I still get a lot of pinch me moments.
“That’s my daughter right there. Just seeing the baby monitor. We are going out somewhere: oh we’ve got Margot now…
“Everything is amazing but it’s not easy as a first time Mum with a 1 year old.
“It’s hard and it’s life-changing. All the challenge is outweighed by having her though.
“I do worry about the future and how that will look for her, but we will cross that when we come to it as a family.
“We’ve learnt so much along the journey so far that I’m sure we will be equipped to deal with future challenges”, says Lewis.
“The A – Z of Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish is my bible!” says Katy.
“Especially when the tantrums start!
What are the plans for the first Mother’s Day then?
“Well I never thought this would happen.
“It’s Western Bay who’ve made me a Mum. That’s why we are on this call. If it wasn’t for Western Bay I wouldn’t be celebrating today.
Any messages for those people who are thinking about adoption on Mother’s Day?
“The time is never right, says Katy.
“If you are thinking about it, just do it and take the plunge and stick in there. You will sometimes ask yourself during the process, why are we doing this, or why do I need to learn this – but it all comes to fruition and matters later on.”
Birth Family
Mothering Sunday brings into sharp focus not only those who’ve recently become Mums but others who have lost children or might still be struggling to conceive. WBAS has invested heavily into birth parent support with teams set up to support those affected by adoption.
“We met Margot’s birth parents and we are fully aware that she might one day want to meet them, says Katy.
“We fully support that.
“We do feel for her as the birth mum has had a terrible life. Margot also has siblings which have been adopted, we fully support and understand the importance of Letterbox Contact between them.
“With my Dad being adopted and him not knowing his siblings it’s taught us that Letterbox Contact and meeting siblings is for Margot and Margot alone.
“It’s so important for her identity to know where she has come from and how loved she is on both sides.
“We sent a settling in letter to her birth mother and received a lovely letter back, answering questions and acknowledging details such as Margot’s new room and her favourite songs and such.
“When we met the birth parents they gave Margot a silver birth bracelet which they couldn’t afford to get engraved for her to have on her 1st birthday. We got it engraved and sent a picture of it and Margot wearing it, which they really appreciated.”
#FirstMothersDay
Learn more about our Birth Parent Support Team here